Let us be a little nicer!

On my way back home in my bike, after a tiring day at work, I was following this car.  The car had one of the unusual signs in the back of the windows which says,  “Learning, sorry for any delay.”

I was tired, but still I was very patient and following them with the same speed.  To my surprise, they were doing very well for someone who is learning.  I am sure everyone would have done this some time in our life.

I asked myself this question:  Would I have been so patient if there was no such sign in the car?  Maybe, No!

There are some signs like this to tell everyone that “I am learning” – but there are no signs which says, “Going through a depression” or “Lost a child” or “Striving hard to achieve what I want, but not getting any help” or “Going through tough times in life”.

We don’t know what the other person is going through.  When we can be nicer and helpful (by at least not adding any additional pressure) to a stranger on the road, I am sure we can be nicer to people around you – who might be going through some tough phases in life – which you might never be aware of.

Let us give everyone an extra dose of love and kindness and help them in the journey of whatever they are going through.  You cannot solve all their problems with this – you might not know your one act of kindness or a smile can make a big big difference in their life.

Can you give me 2 mins please?

 

"Can you give me 2 mins please?" Dhivya answered the phone call

How often have we said this? And how often was this really 2 mins?

I am trying to give some insight on how words work in our brain - if you are someone who can't take any advise or criticism, please do stop here.  Its not for light hearted people!

There is a whole branch of psychology known as NLP, Neurolingusitic program.  This deals with the connection between how our brain works versus how words are used.  Which inturn means, the choice of words you use has a great impact on how your brain works, how your emotions rally up and what do you actually mean when you say something to people.

For Dhivya, what she said just means give me some time or i am in the middle of something or i cant speak to u right now or give me some time or maybe she is not in a mood to speak now and she has decided to respond politely.  She could have said these words directly, but she choose to use the "2mins", this is probably because she has not sorted out herself what she wants in her mind actually and what she says to others.

This at the very core means, what comes out of your mouth is never what you want actually - your caring words for others are probably not genuine care!  It might sound rude, but sometimes it happens.  

Why does this happen? What can we do to improve on this area if we want to communicate better?

"Ask yourself what do I actually want to say".  The solution maybe simple, but it is difficult to follow as most of the time we do not what to say or we don't want to say what we think for various reasons.  

But, why do we have to do this? why can't I continue saying "2mins"? ...We can do it, but we are allowing the disparity of what we think inside versus what comes out of mouth to increase and this is a very big hindrance in achieving what we want to get in life because we are not clear between what's going on in your mind versus what actually you do.

As mathematician says, the shortest distance between two points in a straight line, start vocalising what you think in your mind, at least to yourself and you would really know how far are we from what is happening in our life to how you want it to happen.

Easy said than done!...But it's never late to try.  Who else would look at you so close if you can't face your internal self?

Oh no! or Oh Good!

 

Ann had tough time reacting to what I was sharing to her.  She was absolutely confused as to be happy or sad on what I said.  I was telling her that my Cat passed away yesterday and she did not know if she need to say “Oh No!” or “Oh Good!”

 

Tommy, my Cat was 4 years old and it was the pet of the house.  Providing an animal food and shelter makes it a less animal, whose normal instinct is to hunt and safe guard its life.  It is not the best thing we could do to them as we are robbing its natural way of existence in this world to fight against anything coming its way, internal or external problems.  We realized it when Tommy fell ill and it has gone into its shell of not responding to anyone and just lying down in a corner of the room, for hours, days and months together.  That’s the Cats way of recovering and that would be the best way of recovery for any “body” in this world as all the life can cure themselves without any external intervention.

 

In this process, it starved and lost lots of weight.  The family couldn’t take the suffering it went through and it hurt more when it did not allow us to come closer to do any help.  Tommy’s battle was tough and we could see it losing the battle day by day.  Life, as it always does, wins eventually!  Everyone of us was sad.

 

Ann, knowing everything about Tommy and liking it very much, for sure felt relieved that Tommy would suffer no more, but was also under the pressure to console us as we were grieving about Tommy.  She dint know if she needs to say “Oh No, you lost Tommy! Or “Oh Good, at last Tommy will suffer no more!”

 

Emotions are sometimes such complicated to understand and handle.  We are mostly programmed to react to the acceptance of the person to whom these emotions are expressed and not what you feel actually.  What we express mostly would be for the society and what we feel inside is actually who we are and how we would see the situation. 

 

Either we make both of these similar or we understand and accept that these can never be same because of the way in which we see the world.  If not, we would get stuck as Ann, not sure what to react and how to handle the situation/person.

Stay Calm, Stay Positive!

 

Why is it important to stay calm and positive during tough times?

 When things are not going your way or you have a huge list of problems piling every day to your kitty, one of the key things that you should be doing is to stay calm and be positive. 

 Everyone understands this and it’s always easier said than done!  Absolutely True!!

 We as a species have always tried to overcome the problem we faced.  It absolutely rare that someone doesn’t do anything or react to things that are happening around them; and whenever there is a threat or things not going in our way, we invariably are reacting or working on something to get to a safe land - it doesn’t matter if, what you are working is helping you or making your situation worse.

 But whenever we work on something, it is with the belief that the action would help you come out of the problem.  After all the hard work that you put, when the result is not in your favor, it leads to a lot of frustration OR when a feeling of helplessness creeps in, it has a huge effect on you psyche as well or you body.

 This is where staying calm and being positive helps!  You may wonder how?

 Staying calm and being positive in any situation doesn’t put the focus on the immediate hurdles or the setbacks that you encounter, but puts the focus on your final target.  This gives you motivation to continue on your path and keeps yourself healthy mentally and physically even amidst your troubles.

 No matter what the goal is OR how far or near you are to your goal, you need yourself to be actively working towards what you wanted to achieve – and this can only happen when you stay calm and positive during the time when things are not going your way

 Like I mentioned earlier, easier said than done! 

 When are already trying a lot of things to achieve something we wanted, why not try this as well to see if it helps!  If it doesn’t help, you don’t have to practice further.  But if it helps, you are sure to reach your goal much faster.

 I am sure it will help!

Festivals – are they relevant now?

Why?

 About 10,000 years ago, men had his lives blend with nature.  He placed events around his life based on the nature and things which he was able to track, like climate, weather, seasons – he relied on nature to track time and based on that, he decided on when to start a work – predominantly agriculture and when to complete it.  Until the next suitable time for agriculture, he had designed ways to keep him occupied, focus his attention on other areas, or sometimes get prepared for the next agricultural season.

To pass on this information to his next generation, in an attempt to give them a “ready-made recipe” to work with nature, he started having festivals.  Festivals are those “time-tags” in his life which either marks a beginning of something or marks an end of something.  It is this time, where he decides to plough the ground or care for his cattle or use the harvested items or save himself from the weather change.  Basically he designed this to safe-guard himself and prepare for future.

Do we really understand?

Even though we follow a lot of festivals, I am not sure if we understand the real reason as to why this was started in the first place.  We are now trying to decode the reason as to why men at ancient times started doing something and in that attempt, we are trying to find the possible benefits of something that is already happening – but it may be unclear if this was the primary reason as to why something is being done.

The reason being, the way of life changed leaps and bounds.  Our life is far more safe and sophisticated compared to how men lived 10,000 years ago, and it is impossible to try to track his mindset back to why he has started doing something, when you have no clue on what he was going to at that period.

Conclusion?

Do we then conclude that celebrating all these are “waste of time” – or are we doing something which are completely irrelevant to what we are now?

Emotions and Health - Part 2

Emotions and Health - Affirmations

Affirmations are "self-talk" statements.  These are statements which we tell ourselves on every aspect of life and are so powerful - just because we are the only ones who we listen to. 

When structured correctly positive affirmations can have a great influence on your thoughts and your mindset.  This can increase your enthusiasm, motivate you to achieve your goals and provide you with surplus resource of mental energy as these prepare your mind for what you want to achieve.

Continuing from the part 1, below are the next set of dis-ease and the emotions which are associated with that, along with the affirmations which could help in faster healing. 

Part: Elbows
Issue:  Pain and stiffness
Probable Cause:  Elbows and arms signify a lack of capacity & ability to hold the experiences of life. Resisting change of directions and acceptance.
Emotional affirmation:   “I easily flow with new experiences, new directions and new changes“
Physical treatment:   Just wrap your hands around yourself as if hugging your own self and say this to yourself.  "I trust, love, accept, approve and forgive myself." As many times as possible everyday. 
  

Part: Hands
Issue:  Pain and lack of strength
Probable Cause:  Pain in the hands may be caused by all ways of dealing with hold & handle, clutch & grip, grasping & letting go.
Emotional affirmation:  “I choose to handle all my experiences with love and with joy and with ease. “
Physical treatment:  Hold a pen/pencil tightly in your hand as if you are holding a situation in your life and then when ready to "Release" the situation just throw the pen/pencil with full force & free yourself. 
 

Part:  Abdomen
Issue:  Abdominal cramps.
Probable Cause:  Fear, stopping the process
Emotional affirmation:  “I trust the process of life.  I am safe. “
Physical treatment:  Place your hands on the belly button (navel) & do 4-4-4-4 count breathing.
4 count Inhale; 4 count Hold; 4 count Exhale; 4 count Hold.
Do it as long as comfortable. 

Part: Hips
Issue:  Lack of flexibility and difficulty in movement
Probable Cause:   Major thrust in moving forward
Emotional affirmation:  “I am in perfect balance.  I move forward in life with ease and with joy at every age. “
Physical treatment: Sit on the floor placing the legs straight.  Try to twist your hips with hands stretched on both the sides.  Do 3 rounds with 5 reps each. 

Part: Knees
Issue:  Stiffness and knee pain
Probable Cause:  Pain in the knee is a sign of pride & ego
Emotional affirmation:  “I am flexible and flowing. “
Physical treatment: Lie down on the floor, place the left ankle over the right knee & move the right knee up & down for 5 minutes. Then do the same with right ankle placing it above the left knee for 5 minutes

 

Part:  Calves
Issue:  Calf stiffness and cramps
Probable Cause:  Calf pain is caused by stress, emotional tension
Emotional affirmation:  “I am relaxed and I am control of the situation.  I believe in the positive outcome”
Physical treatment:  Press the tender point 20 times located exactly in the center of the calf(behind). Twice daily.

 

Part:  Ankles
Issue:  Ankle pain and stiffness
Probable Cause:  Pain in ankles mean lack of ability to receive pleasure.
Emotional affirmation:  “I deserve to rejoice in life.  I accept all the pleasure life has to offer.”
Physical treatment: Lie down on the floor, legs slightly apart & rotate the ankles clock-anticlockwise 50 times

 
Part:  Feet
Issue:   Feet pain
Probable Cause:  Feet pain represents our lack of ability to understand one self, life or others
Emotional affirmation:  “My understanding is clear, and I am willing to change with the times.  I am safe”.
Physical treatment: Take a tennis ball & place it under the feet & roll on it. Can do it while sitting or standing
 

Most of the dis-ease pschosomatic .  Change of mindset can help a long way to get back to our comfortable self.

Creating Habit!

    What is a Habit?  It is a repeating unconscious pattern of behavior which is not an outcome of conscious thought.  In simple term, it is just like a clock alarm - which executes when it reaches the mark, unfazed by any external factors.  So are the habits, these are actions which are a result of a trigger.  The trigger and the action are not controlled consciously.  There is nothing called a bad habit or a good habit, it is just the favorable/unfavorable outcome of the habit decides the characteristics of it.

    How is a habit formed?  The super powerful brain of us, sometimes choose to become lazy in order to cut down its workload and try to map every input received to an action.  When same action is repeated continuously for a same input, it decides just to map the input to the reaction and execute it every time it gets the same input, bypassing all the thought process, excluding the external factors and ignoring the alternative favorable outcome.  Thus we end up unconsciously acting to a situation in a same way, until we consciously decide to change it.  It is like getting back to home from office in our car.  The input would be to get to home in car, once we get used to it, are we consciously driving the vehicle, trying to analyze the speed of it and changing the gear, and taking right/left turns in the road?  It just happens as a habit and our super powerful brain relaxes itself with some good music on the way back home.

    Now the interesting part – Can we understand the automatic thought patterns, set the required trigger and by thus create a habit all by yourself – consciously!  Is this possible? – Yes it is.  But you need to know exactly what you wish for and what the trigger is, if not the whole thing would go wrong and you would end up with too much thing to correct.

    To have this set up initially, you need to first know what exactly you are looking for as the outcome and what is the trigger which can get it going.  Once this process map of this is completely figured out, all you have to do is kick start the trigger consciously and take it through to the outcome you want, slowly doing it step by step.  You might have to do this for a couple of times after which you would notice yourself that your brain doesn’t even wait for you to take you through to the steps, it will just run past all the process and end up in the final outcome.  Thus, you have created a habit!

    Once a habit is set, it would take another habit to override the earlier one – in other terms, erasing the brain map of input to trigger and rewriting another one.

    This above chunk of text maybe too complicated to understand, but this is something you and me have been doing day in and day out, right from brushing our teeth to going to bed.

    You can try a simple trick! – Try asking why you do some act of yours until you really find out why?

     Happy working on your brain!

    ~MindEngineering!